is it a spoken word if i never perform it?

A spoken word I wrote for my class for the end of basic sciences but alas-never performed.

I remember how I walked into clinic room one
-naive, and excited, and nervous, and afraid-
white coat fresh off its ceremony
it felt light, anticipation in my eyes
not yet carrying stories in my pockets
an MS1, simple and modest,
I remember,
the butterflies in my stomach fluttering with hesitations,
reaching for sanitation,
shaking the hands of my very first patient-

Ask the awkward questions without stuttering.
Realize it’s only awkward for you.
Have steady, confident hands,
especially on physical exams,
they can feel if you’re nervous.
Speak when something doesn’t feel right.
It’s okay to be silent when you can’t the find right words.
It’s okay to hold their hand.
It’s okay if they need a hug.
It’s okay to give them a hug.
Find an awe-inspiring moment in every day,
you are blessed in every way.
Having the courage to fail is not failure,
Adjust your mind set, your behavior,
being vulnerable is not the same as being weak,
so do what is true to you,
help others, don’t turn your cheek.
Always keep going, despite your doubts
you are capable,
your dreams are obtainable,
compassion, not desire, is what makes this world changeable,
every lesson on our path is irreplaceable

We learn through our setbacks and mistakes
and in this journey we are on there will be days
we feel unworthy of this position
unworthy of a responsibility to save,
we will look in the mirror and say
What am I, but a medical student

A medical student?
But you are like a painting, vibrant in your color palette
with every stroke you have learned to show depth in the canvases your histories paint
we are learning to imitate beauty
all the suffering, all the resilience-
as our model
could there be anything more perfect to illustrate?
Our fingertips learning to be gentle, so our hands can carry the weight
we slip into lives bearing gifts
and sometimes we are empty handed,
and sometimes we wish we can give more than we receive,
and sometimes we will doubt our abilities,
and sometimes we will realize that we are humans too,
we are not Titans, we are not Gods
our gifted hands learning how to heal
are simply hands with a privileged deal,
honored to be a part of the medical field,
reaffirming every day that this is the path we have chosen
for small precious moments
for small victories that will never leave us broken,
a mosaic of hope and endless devotion
it is no small feat to face fate,
we are interwoven
like starry skies, with their constant dim light guiding through the night,
we are learning to navigate lives, desiring to strive
with humility by our side,
you are more than a medical student

Even when the nights get long and weary
and time slips like sand through fingertips
our shoulders are built to carry
the responsibilities that enable us to give life to the possible
we are unstoppable.

There is an art to healing,
we are just at the beginning
with so much more to learn and see
of the change in this world we want to upheave,
of the types of people-the caregivers- we want to be,
we are learning to have faith in science
but never forgetting our humanity.

I remember
the patient who couldn’t let go, grateful I offered my hand
thanking me for listening
for treating her like an entire being,
who entrusted me with secrets I now carry
in a white coat becoming increasingly heavy.
this is more than histology and pathology
and anatomy and physiology.

This is for them.

One thought on “is it a spoken word if i never perform it?

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