On Beginnings

https://i1.wp.com/thezmab.files.wordpress.com/2016/04/img_5443-e1459652768770.jpeg?ssl=1This is it. This is where I find a home and settle down, where I invite you in for an afternoon cup of coffee or late night sip of tea and we can discuss life and share experiences, where we are open to be who we are so that we may become who we want to be. This is it. No more excuses, no more can’ts, no more won’ts, no more should’ve, could’ve, but didn’t. This is it. On beginnings.

I have always kept stories to myself out of a fear that the words I choose to tell them cannot give the firing neurons of my memory justice, that the experiences I wish to portray will not be the same image projected to the reader. That fear, to me, is stifling because it invites judgement, it invites misunderstandings.

I am not a writer. I will repeat this, adamantly, many times. I have never felt like a writer, I have never been labeled a writer. I have always struggled with accurately expressing myself, with words, with definitions, with interpretations, with sentence structure and flow. But I have always had a voice, and that voice wishes to speak at its fullest breath. I believe in practice and I believe in progress. I am a person who constantly writes.

These stories I wish to tell, I want them to be meaningful, to be insightful, to be honest, and to be open. Open to the thoughts, inputs, interpretations, and experiences of others. I want a thread to connect us, by our commonalities, and even our differences. In the past year I have experimented with being more willing to share. It was difficult at first, and still is, but I have learned that my fear of judgement and misunderstanding shouldn’t be a fear at all. It is through putting ourselves out there, sharing stories, revealing our thoughts, and becoming open to the dialogues they invite that we are able to work on ourselves and learn from others. It is how we realize we have more similarities than we think, struggles more universal than we feel, and mistakes that should be celebrated as much as our successes. This is about growth.

Perhaps I’m more of a historian, a person who documents their experiences and always looks back on them to help guide for the future. Who takes in the interpretations they incite from others and uses that to guide future actions, thoughts, experiences. I like that. I think that describes this perfectly.

So this is where I have come to do what I have always wanted to do, to consistently document experiences and thoughts that have previously been caged hidden from eyes I felt were always piercing. I am twenty-two, I am a medical student, and I am discovering the world a moment at a time. This is where I’ll share my soul so I may leave with nothing left but myself, whole. This is a work in progress, a commitment I have always flirted with but have decided to finally take seriously. This platform holds me responsible. Sharing with you this platform I have chosen, instead of keeping it hidden as I have always done, holds me responsible. I appreciate if you choose to come along on this journey with me.


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